Submission: Weakness or Power?

Be careful if you have lunch with me, because you might end up in my blog!!  :D  I had lunch with my new BFF, Pam, this afternoon and had an amazing conversation with her about wives and submission.  What a hot button that is in the Church today…and how difficult it is to get your mind around just what that REALLY means.  I grew up in a faith tradition that emphasized and enjoined wifely submission and did a really good job of differentiating submission from subservience, subjugation or any other sub…of course, it wasn’t practiced perfectly in either direction, but at least it was valued.

If you visit my Facebook profile, you will see some books on this topic on my iRead bookshelf.  Books like The Politically Incorrect Wife, The Power of a Praying Wife, Feminine Warrior, and Strong Women, Soft Hearts.  All these books have helped me fine-tune my understanding and practice of being a Biblically submissive wife, but no other book besides the Bible has deepened my understanding than Mahaney and Harris’  Humility:  True Greatness. 

Let me explain what I mean by that.  When my husband and I first were dating, I explained to him that I was looking for a marital relationship with a strong man who would be the leader in the home and to whom I could submit as his “weaker vessel” as outlined in the Bible.  The poor man!  He bought that line…the thing was, I had bought that line, too.  We have spent the next 20 years trying to find that place…how many of you can say a hearty AMEN to that?!  At any rate, I thank God that He is patient with us and I’m thankful that my husband is patient with me, too, as I yield to the Holy Spirit and allow God to mold me in the image of Jesus Christ–sure to be a life-long process, so please pray for my husband’s continued patience!! 

You see, I had taken the scripture’s exhortation seriously, but I did not yet understand the underlying ethic of wifely submission.  I have tried to surrender to an ideal instead of surrendering to the Almighy God!  I am controlling and manipulative…all those flesh patterns my friend Jennifer Kennedy Dean talks about in her beautiful books.  I thought that submission took my power away, leaving me powerless (even though one of my favorite books is Omartian’s POWER of a Praying Wife–duh).  What are we, women, when we feel powerless??  Say it with me:  controlling and manipulative! 

So, what is that ethic underlying submission?  Humility.  Humility illustrates that the one who has power willingly lays that down in order to serve the other.  In Ephesians 5:25, men are told to love their wives like Christ loved the church, giving up His life for her, living sacrificially and dying as the ultimate sacrifice.  In Hebrews we learn more about just how humble our Lord was as He went to the Cross, a perfect sacrifice.  And the capstone for me is Philippians 2:5 which says, “you must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.  Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.  Instead, he gave up his divine privileges, He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.” 

Ture humility releases me from the fear of powerlessness, because the very choice I make on a situation-by-situation basis to be humble demonstrates the “incredible greatness of God’s power” at work in me.  (Ephesians 1:19)  Thus we have the ultimate exhortation that is often overlooked in Ephesians:  “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  (Ephesians 1:21)  Truly it is in the humility of surrender (surrender of self, surrender to God, surrender of control, surrender of pride) where true power lives…the power of God!  Not our own power. 

There is an old martial arts parable a counselor reminded me of today:  A samurai stood in front of a monk who was seated in meditation.  “Monk,” the samurai said, “do you not know that I have the power to slice you in two?”  The monk calmly replied, “Samurai, do you not know that I have the power to let you?”

In choosing submission, we are demonstrating the greatest power of all:  the power of Love, not of ourselves, lest we boast, as the apostle Paul famously said.  But rather the power of God working in us.  There is no fear in this kind of submission–no need to control or manipulate.   What freedom comes with this knowledge.  What absolute peace and confidence.

Trust me when I say that my husband will benefit the most from my deepening understanding of this ethic.